Here is the process I think Phil Kent uses to write columns like this one:
- Buy a MadLib pad at the local Waldenbooks
- Lure Sean Hannity to his house with promises of freshly-clubbed, ground baby seal on sesame crackers
- Add three drops brown food coloring, half a cup of salt and an ounce of special mushrooms to a large can of tuna, spread it over the crackers
- Feed the crackers to Hannity, trade hook-up stories about Ann Coulter while waiting for the mushrooms to kick in
- When Hannity is hunched in the corner in a fetal position, giggling uncontrollably, find a pen and the Mad Lib pad
- Untuck and lift Hannity’s shirt, exposing his pasty white belly
- Get the poking stick out of the closet
- Sit down in a chair next to Hannity with the Mad Lib resting on a knee, the pen in one hand and the poking stick in the other
- Begin reading the first MadLib, poking Hannity in the stomach every time a fill-in-the-blank is reached. If a noun is required and Hannity offers an adjective or verb, poke again until the desired result is attained. Continue until about 750 words have been reached
- Replace Hannity’s shirt and feed him another cracker
- Call Hannity a cab and send him home, driving his car behind the cabbie
- Dump Hannity’s inanimate carcass on his front porch. Place his car keys in his pocket
- Have the cabbie take you back home
- Mail the MadLib pad to the editor
- Eat the rest of the crackers
You forgot:
16. Have some floozie who works for you actually write the column/book and stick your name on it.
Next time could you please have Hannity choke to death in the scenario?
Thank you. When I saw that column I wanted to write something, then I saw this. Perfect.
Hah - my favorite line was when he said that the “good news” was that Atlantans and people around the country read less than they used to and watch more TV.
My favorite part of this process is #7.
Chris,
You’re missing the point. If someone else (even a “floozie” - mysterious choice of word there) wrote the article, it wouldn’t suck so much.
Carcass.
Hahahahaha!!! Last I checked, seems to be bloggers now controlling “media.” Hard to get a good wi-fi connection up there flying through the clouds in those fat-cat PJs, Kent Dude.
[...] 2. Lure Sean Hannity to his house with promises of freshly-clubbed, ground baby seal on sesame crackers [...]
[...] 2. Lure Sean Hannity to his house with promises of freshly-clubbed, ground baby seal on sesame crackers [...]
Scott wrote: “Hah - my favorite line was when he said that the “good news†was that Atlantans and people around the country read less than they used to and watch more TV.”
This sounded too preposterous to be true, so I checked it out and sure enough Scott was….fabricating, to put it politely. Here is what Kent actually said:
“The good news is that the mainstream print media’s circulation numbers continue to decline in Atlanta and virtually all major urban markets across the country.”
If the Kent piece is so egregious, Scott, you should easily be able to blow it out of the water without fictionalizing anything.
Eugene,
First Kent said:
Then Kent said:
So, Kent celebrates the shift from print press to conservative TV and radio. Where’s Scott’s fabrication?
Eugene,
Oh, that selective quoting… it’s just like mainstream print media! (And conservative TV and radio, too, for that matter.)
Rusty, Kent clearly never said that it was “good news that Atlantans and people around the country read less than they used to”, as Scott indicated. What Kent did say was that it was good news that print circulation numbers were declining for the mainstream print media. That’s very different from saying it’s a good thing that people read less than they used to. The actual amount of time spent reading is never even discussed. Circulation figures for daily newspapers could easily plummet, while the public’s overall reading time increased. Rather than reading the AJC, substantial numbers of Atlantans are now possibly spending their reading time perusing the Radical Ga. Moderate blog instead.
Amber, all I’m doing is setting the record straight and clearly indicating what Kent actually did say. If an attack is based on distorted or fabricated facts, as Scott’s was, I think it’s reasonable to point it out. Scott is actually the one doing the selective quoting. I just checked his quote and found it to be falsified.
I don’t see Scott using any quotes, except “good news.” But I do see the two statements in the same paragraph — that paragraph presumably has a single main idea, like what they used to teach in grade school.
Excellent work, Rusty. It almost made it worth it reading that garbage to appreciate your breakdown
I enjoy the fact that Kent uses almost no facts or figures to back up what he’s saying in his article. He’s just spouting ideas, hoping something will stick.
[...] Rusty at Radical Georgia Moderate on the 15-step process he imagines local conservative bon vivant and Georgia Gangsta Phil Kent uses [...]