Some of you may have noticed that our technocratic overlords at AOL decided to add MovieFone and ShoppingBuddy bots to your AIM buddy list without your permission. Below is a transcript of my first attempt to communicate with the MovieFone bot.

evilwilly1: why were you added to my buddy list?
MovieFone: - Movies for Today
1 -F- You Want Me to Kill Him?
2 -P- The Mormon Church Explains it all to you

Type # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.

P=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future
evilwilly1: I asked you a question, goddamn it. Why were you added to my buddy list?
MovieFone: Without a doubt.

evilwilly1: Without a doubt what, you cretin?
MovieFone: - Movies for Today
1 -P- Without You I’m Nothing
2 -P- Rebel Without a Cause
3 -F- What Is It?

Type # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.

P=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future
evilwilly1: You don’t appear to be listening to me. I asked you why you were added to my buddy list.
MovieFone: Pardon me? I tried to find movies and directors related to what you typed but didn’t have any luck. Can you try again?

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: Son of a bitch. Is this a mind control experiment?
MovieFone: Interesting. Why don’t you try typing, help.

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: Why don’t you try blowing it out your mechanized ass?
MovieFone: That’s unnecessary. Type, help.

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: What’s unnecessary is you flashing that fucking ad every time you don’t understand what I say.
MovieFone: Sorry, I didn’t get that. ;-)

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: Bastard!
MovieFone: That’s rude. I’m here to help. Type, help if you ned it.

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: If I ned it? Did you mean if I need it? What kind of incompetent programmed you?
MovieFone: Mm hm.

evilwilly1: Mm hm? Mm hm what?
MovieFone: Enter a valid 5 digit zip-code.

evilwilly1: Enter your mother’s ass crack.
MovieFone: Not valid 5 digit zipcode. Would you like to try again?

Y - Yes
N - No

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site
evilwilly1: N
MovieFone: Main Menu
Select a number or just ask me about any film, actor or director and I’ll search for you.

1 - Find Movies Now
2 - Set Up Movie Alerts
3 - The First 5
4 - New Releases
5 - Games

======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Movie Site

Instead of typing N to the last question, what I really wanted to say was, “Hey, you put that back right now.”