Smack in the heart of liberal, free-swinging Atlanta, the Kroger on Peachtree keeps prophylactics in a cabinet behind a lock (The Goddamn Girlfriend, or GDGF, and I found this out during our walk back home from Mellow Mushroom trivia, where I — like the trivia slut I am — had little-to-no effect on the Olson Twin’s second place finish). Here in Gawd-fearing, sex-hating Cobb County, prophylactics are available on normal shelves just like deodorant and toothpaste, where juveniles and deviants can discreetly access them to insert a layer of latex between them and their perverted, sinful endeavors.
The key issue that arises from keeping prophylactics behind a lock is it requires the buyer to ask someone to open the lock. Fueled by a couple of Sweetwaters, I marched downstairs to customer service and demanded in a gruff, stentorian voice, “Who’s in charge of the condom cabinet?”
This is where the story is supposed to get funny as an awkward exchange between a half-drunk me and a tight-ass clerk drags on, but the guy didn’t seem particularly phased, even when I went out of my way to make things embarrassing for him. And so that ends without fanfare. Most of the embarrassment from that episode was on GDGF’s end.
That leaves us the question of why were the prophylactics behind a lock? Were they trying to keep minors away? To keep people from stealing them? Do they secretly like to record people working up the courage to ask someone to unlock the cabinet? Inquiring minds want to know.
Theft, I’m sure. They keep diabetic testing strips behind the counter/under lock for the same reason. Well, similar one — I’m sure people just steal condoms to use them, but people will steal diabetic testing strips (expensive) and then try to “return” them for money.
Being afflicted with bruxism, I needed to get myself a new mouthguard recently, which a Kroger near me was keeping with the condoms behind a sliding glass door.
So I stood there at the pharmacy waiting to ask the pharmacist if he could open the cabinet for me so I could get my mouthguard. When he was finally finished helping the others, I could ask him. He turns to me and he tells me to just slide the door. Sure enough, the glass door was closed, but not locked.
Doh.
Joe,
Having been the guy who drags a clerk over to unlock and already-unlocked cabinet, I did try to open it first.
Correction: I tried to open it. (This has been your nit-pick of the day.)
Nikki: I’ve heard the theft argument before. It’s actually the only argument I’ve heard, and I guess I can kind of see how it would make sense… but no. Anything can be stolen from a store - that’s why they put the little sensor dohickies in the merchandise so it’ll set off the detector thingies (don’t you love how technically accurate I am?) if you walk out the door with something.
Anyway, it seems totally arbitrary as to which stores lock up condoms and which don’t; for example, the CVS on Peachtree does, but the CVS on Highland doesn’t. Go figure.
I’ve been wanting to write a post about this issue for a while now - accessible contraceptives and all that. So perhaps I’ll actually get off my duff (as it were) and write it, finally.
Furthermore (here comes another nit-pick): it’s Olsen Twins, not Olson Twins.
Your readers officially hate me now.
Oh thank God i don’t buy those silly things anymore
I went to that Kroger for the first time last week. It was kind of frustrating because of the upstairs/downstairs set-up. I guess it’s one way of saving space on prime-real estate. I prefer the one at Ansley Mall, though.
Amber, the Other Amber was a long-time CVS employee. From what I understand, the CVS sort of mandates some stuff be locked up, but other things are placed behind the counter or in glass displays because of high theft of that particular item in that particular store. Probably people surreptitiously empty the contents of the tagged box into their coat pockets or whatever.
And for the more active among us, there’s Costco!
I have previously purchased condoms from the CVS on Peachtree near CCT when they were out in the open - about two summer ago, and those guys are now assholes. If anything, you’d WANT people to steal condoms. At least people are using them and not having babies (or god forbid, abortions!) that they can’t afford.
Balls deep, my boyfriend says to me…
ha! He says nothing! Well, he does say some things but what do I look like? The kind of girl who would actually say in a public forum what her boyfriends says nay! moans while he’s balls deep?
I do? Well, au contraire, mon frere. I just wanted to type something really catchy that would show up in the comments snippits on the sidebar of the homepage.
It’s like clicking on the “Barely Legal Girls Swallowing It All” banner and getting bear porn, instead. Not altogether a bad thing, but not exactly what you had in mind.
Happy Say Something Explicit In The First Line Of Your Post So It Shows Up In The Snippits On The Homepage Day!
Do I rule at 8 AM? Yes. Yes, indeed.
Splashing my teeth with…
ha! Score! I just wanted to mention that I was so goddamned quick-like-bull with the comment reflex this morning that I managed to position myself pretty favorably in the place where you make us trot out the first line of our posts. No matter how hard I try, though, I still have to live with the fact that directly below me, Lush says, “Masturbating while…” and for that…for that he can always win.
Happy Say Something Explicit In The First Line Of Your Post So It Shows Up In The Snippets On The Homepage Day!
It probably has something to do with crime statistics. I assume that if the rate of shoplifting in a neighborhood is above the acceptable limit, CVS locks stuff up.
The fruits of my masturbation post have been flushed. They have been replaced with lesser openers. This one should do nicely though.
Damn it! Masturbation cut short!